Nothing Left but Goodbye
by One More Tragedy
Summary: There was nothing left for him here. He chose to run away. What he didn't choose was to be Akatsuki. Escaping this hell won't be so easy, especially with a nin with a swirly orange mask on your ass all the time.
1. Prologue

**Warnings: ****Yaoi (boyXboy), self-harm, mentions of self-harm, violence, adult language, sexual situations, and others when I think of them.**

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any of the characters! They all belong to Kishimoto-sama!**

**Nothing Left but Goodbye**

**Prologue**

There's a smile on his face as he slept, but I know he will be weeping in the morning. I shall be leaving as the sun rises. When he wakes, I shall be nothing more than a warm spot on the bed from where I last lay. I will be a memory to him, as he will be for me. Whether he will be so fond of me afterwards, I shall not know, and I do not care to know. It will not matter after I leave, because I'm never coming home.

My things are packed, and I won't be looking back. He loved me, but I cannot return those feelings. I have his heart, and I know that at dawn I shall be breaking it, completely shattering it. I have no right to do that, but I'm going to do it anyway. It won't matter after I leave anyway. I'll never see my lover again.

It's rather sad though. His short brown hair is splayed out around his head like a halo. His large blue eyes are closed in slumber, a gentle smile tugging at his lips as he dreams sweet dreams that will become nightmares come morning. His arm is rested over where I once lay an hour or so ago. I caress his face one last time, the agony of leaving him behind finally settling in my heart. It is not that I love him; it is that I do care for him and hurting him hurts me. I cannot stay here though, I can't.

There is a pink tinge in the sky. It is time to leave. Throwing one look back at him, I grab my backpack and weapons pouch and leave through the window. Out in the world my art can be free, and I can grow stronger. Never again will people spit on me because of my girlish appearance or my explosive art.

Nobody shall stop me from having the freedom I so desperately crave. I can defeat any enemy that crosses my path. I'm practically unstoppable. I've lost fights, yes, but not in some time. ANBU guards are nothing against me. Goodbye my lover. We shall not meet again.

It's funny how I say that I'm free because now, less than a year later, I'm being dragged into the Akatsuki base by a red headed puppet master.

**A/N: Yay! Another fanfic! I need to update my other stories, not write new stuff. Oh well, I wrote this in first period and thought I'd put it up. Yay for a computer class! Please review!!**


	2. Chapter 1

**Warnings: ****Yaoi (boyXboy), self-harm, mentions of self-harm, violence, adult language, sexual situations, and others when I think of them.**

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any of the characters! They all belong to Kishimoto-sama!**

**Nothing Left but Goodbye**

**Chapter 1**

He's dead. I can't believe he's dead. Years of his bitter hate and rude remarks are finally gone! Sasori-no danna is finally dead. Granted, it wasn't me who did it, for I would never dare to try, but at least now he's finally gone and out of my life. I shall make beautiful art out of his corpse, his puppet body blowing sky high into a million pieces! It shall be a grand funeral for him.

His death is rather… ironic. He always believed that true art lasts and lasts, living on forever. It is funny, then, that he himself dies. His ideas were false; I hope he can see that now. He shall be going out with a grand boom! Let's see how great his art is now, shall we?

I walk up to his corpse. His eyes are open wide, brown not fading since they were no longer real. His wooden body will make excellent art. I grab some clay from my pouch and form it into a giant bird. I throw my master's body onto it and the clay bird flies away. I make the necessary hand sign.

"Katsu!"

There's a huge explosion and the body disintegrates almost instantly. There are no tears, no, not from me. My lips twitch and I let myself smile. That man, or rather, puppet, made my life in Akatsuki a living hell. He was the one who brought me there, along with Itachi. He was the one who restricted me, controlled me when I thought I would have the freedom I so craved.

My smile slips away and I clench my fists.

Itachi.

He's the one that got me into this mess, the one I couldn't defeat. I was enjoying my freedom until not long after I turned sixteen. I had just left a group of rogue ninja and was on my way to an inn to stay at in some nondescript village. He ambushed me and when we fought… I lost. That bastard; the next time I fight him I will win. I will get stronger, no matter what it takes.

It's nearing sunset, and it's a long way away from the base. Maybe I should have waited until after nightfall to create my art out of Sasori-no danna's body. It would have looked positively wonderful in the dark. The glow of red, orange, and yellow embers against nothing but black sky, illuminating the world below in a fiery glow… Yes, I should have waited… but it no longer matters for it is too late.

I create yet another clay bird, this time hoisting myself onto it. I'm going to need another partner, but it shall probably be quite some time until I get one. I'm ready to go to bed. It's been a long day.

I sigh and close my eyes for a moment. The wind is rushing through my long blonde hair, whipping it into my face occasionally. It's rather chilly up here, but I pay it no mind. My cloak keeps the rest of my body warm even if not my face.

It's morning by the time I get back to base. I head first to Leader-sama's office to give my report about the mission. He's not going to be happy, but at the moment I don't care. I just want to get it over with. I knock on the door and when he tells me to enter, I do so.

"Leader-sama, the mission failed. The scroll was not retrieved and Sasori-no danna is dead," I report, not looking at the leader.

The leader… he's such a fucking asshole. Nobody knows anything about him and he thinks he's so powerful and almighty. I hear his old village calls him a god. He shall be getting no such thing from me. Hell, I don't even know what the bastard looks like! He's always hidden in the shadows, probably some sort of genjutsu.

"I am not happy about this, Deidara-san," Leader-sama says darkly.

I stay silent, glancing over at him quickly before looking back at the door. I hope this goes quickly for I'm ready for bed. I've had a long day and sleep is exactly the thing I need.

"There's nothing we can do now. I shall be assigning you a new partner tomorrow. You should go to bed," Leader-sama said, sighing.

I looked over at him, my eyes wide in surprise. Why wouldn't I be surprised? A new partner? Is it not a bit soon? He probably already had somebody in line or something of the sort, because between me telling him of Sasori's death and now… there was just no way he could find one, especially not without leaving the room.

"You look surprise Deidara-san," Leader-sama commented, chuckling. "I had a backup this time, just like I did with Orochimaru."

"I'm guessing I was the backup," I stated bitterly.

"Yes, but this one we already have," Leader-sama said.

I could practically hear the smirk on his face and I wanted so badly to punch it off his face. My fists clenched tightly as I resisted the urge to do just that. I clenched my eye shut before opening it again and looking calmly as possible over at Leader-sama. If I stay quiet and recessive, I will probably get to leave sooner.

"You may go. You seem tired and… stressed," Leader-sama chuckled. "Losing Sasori-san is a terrible blow to the Akatsuki. It must be especially hard for you since you two were lovers."

With that said, I ran out of the room close to tears. I slammed the door behind me, something I'll probably pay for later. I ran to my room and collapsed on my bed. Tears streamed down my face and I look over at the bed of my deceased partner.

Lover? As if. Me and Sasori-no danna were never "lovers". More like whenever he felt like it he forced me into sex! I didn't want it. I hated it so much but no matter how many scolding showers I took, I could never wash away the filth that covered my body. I wasn't the only one who saw it either. Everybody would always sneer at me as though I was trash, filthy, filthy trash.

I'm weak. I've told myself that time and time again that I am weak. I couldn't even fight off a fucking puppet! If I was stronger I could have, but maybe if I didn't look like a girl I wouldn't have to bother to try and fight him off. Maybe if I looked like a guy it would all be all right. Maybe if I cut off all my hair my next partner will leave me alone and maybe even respect me.

I know it's futile though. My facial features and body are all much to feminine. I have slender hips that jut out slightly. I have a slight hourglass figure and small, frail arms and legs. I don't have much muscle at all. My face looks almost entirely female, and shorter hair probably won't do much to affect that.

I wipe my eyes, but more tears find their way to my cheeks. I get up anyway and take off everything but my pants, which I sleep in. The light's already out, so I don't bother with it. With tears still trickling down my face, I cover myself up, get in a fetal position, and drift off into a nightmare filled sleep, none of which I remember come morning.

When morning comes it comes too soon. I don't feel as though I've gotten enough sleep, but then again, I may never get enough sleep. I could sleep for an eternity, and then some. At least, that's how I feel right now. I don't want to go out and have to face everybody else. I don't want to have to listen to the "secret" snickering and gossip that the others like to partake in. The sad thing is I have too.

I get up and take a shower, discarding my pants and boxers somewhere on the floor among the other articles of clothing scattered around the bathroom. I turn on the water. It's cool at first, but then turns scalding, at which temperature I step under the spray. I grit my teeth as the hot water burns my skin and I resist the temptation to add cold water to cool it off.

I reach for the soap and wash my body. I make sure every part of me is clean and sanitary. Scrubbing all the invisible filth off me from where Sasori-no danna touched me is impossible. Still, I scrub my skin raw, red, and stinging. Giving up on that, I grab the shampoo and start lathering up my hair.

I'm glad he's dead. He was nothing more than a pain in my ass… literally. I yank hard at my hair and clench my eyes shut, my teeth clenched together tightly. That, that… that rapist! Sure, I wasn't a virgin by the time he got to me, but I didn't want him to touch me! My body is mine alone and I control what happens to it, but he took that away.

I let go of my hair and let it fall back. I slowly drop my head back, my face in the scolding spray. It's starting to get cooler, a sign that I once again wasted about an hour thinking. I rinse the suds from my hair and get out.

I wrap a towel around my waste and went back to my room. I glance over at the bed that used to belong to my danna. I almost expect him to sitting there, toying with his puppets. There's nothing there, though. It's just an empty bed in which I'd had to lay on as he forced himself on me.

A chill ran through my spine as I remembered. It wasn't a good chill though, but one of disgust. I quickly got dressed and dried my hair. I was in my usual outfit, but I left the cloak on my bed. I'm not on a mission right now and so there's no need for it.

There's a knock on the door, and I called over my shoulder for them to come in as I put my now dry hair up. Kisame came in.

"Leader-sama wants to see you, Deidara," Kisame said, a bowl of cereal in his hands.

I turned to face the Mist nin, my hair up. "What about my breakfast, un?" I ask, my voice sounding a bit whiny even to me.

"You can get it later. All we're having this morning is cereal since it's Zetsu's day to cook," Kisame replied, taking a bite of his Cocoa Puffs.

I grimace. Zetsu cooking was not the most pleasant experience. In fact, it was one you'd be lucky to live through. Being a cannibal that ate his victims raw, the plant man didn't know how to cook. The last time he cooked, he served some gray blob that oozed some sort of green goo. To this day, I have no idea what it was, but Kisame dared to try it and spent the rest of the night puking his guts out in his bathroom.

"Yeah, that's the best idea, un," I mutter, following Kisame out of my room.

Kisame headed back towards the kitchen, and I made my way to Leader-sama's office. Once there I knocked on the door. What could he possibly want this early in the morning? Surely it's not another mission because I don't even have a new partner yet. Maybe he's assigning me this backup partner. Yeah, that's probably it.

"Come in," came the muffled command.

I open the door slowly and step into the room. I close the door behind me and turn to face Leader-sama. His face is, as usual, covered by shadows, creating an eerie effect only enhanced by his glowing orange eyes.

"Leader-sama. You needed me?" I asked.

"Yes, Deidara-san," he confirmed. "I have your new partner here."

He gestured over to the side somewhere, and there stood a man with unruly dark hair poking out from a swirly orange mask with only one eye hole at the right eye. He was several inches taller than me and, from what I could tell with the Akatsuki cloak on, much more muscular. For a fraction of a second I feared that he would, like Sasori-no danna, take advantage of me and use me for his own sexual gratification. Then he spoke, and all thoughts of rape vanished instantly.

"Hello Deidara-senpai! Tobi is a good boy!" the masked nin almost yelled, his voice high and childish, his arms waving at me rapidly.

I waved back slowly, a sneer forming on my face. This couldn't possibly be my partner. How the fuck was this guy even a ninja? Well, I couldn't really say anything. I mean, I haven't seen how strong he is yet… or how weak.

"Wow! Deidara-senpai has a mouth on his hand!" Tobi awed.

My eye twitched when he start poking at and playing with the mouth on my hand, giggling when it licked him or nipped at him. I should be used to it by now; all the surprise and awe I get about it. In fact, I should be rather glad because most people marvel at it with fear or disgust, but no. For some reason, Tobi was just grating at my nerves. I don't know what it is, but I hate the childish man.

"That's enough, Tobi, un!" I almost yelled, yanking my hand away from the masked nin.

I heard Leader-sama chuckle. "Amusing, but you need to take Tobi to your rooms since he will now be staying with you, Deidara-san."

I growled, clenching my fists. "Fine," I said before bowing and walked out of the room.

I didn't look back to see if Tobi was following. Quite frankly, I didn't care if he was or not. When I finally reached my room I looked back and saw that Tobi had indeed followed me like an obedient pup. My eye twitched again and for some reason my mechanical one took a quick picture. I'm going to have to get rid of that one later.

"This is our rooms, Tobi, un," said in a monotone voice, opening the door as I said it.

The walls were black because Sasori-no danna and Orochimaru had it like that before I can and I was never allowed to change it to something happier. The floor was crimson and the place was all-in-all not very homely.

"You sleep over there, un," I said, pointing at Sasori-no danna's old bed.

"Yay!" Tobi squeals, jumping up and down with his hands in the air waving over his head frantically. "I get to share a room with Deidara-senpai!"

I'm ready to pull my hair out already. How am I supposed to be able to put up with this baka? I watched as the nin bounced around happily, celebrating the fact he was rooming with me. I gritted my teeth and endured it; it wouldn't do if I killed this one off already.

I couldn't help but let a small smile slip, though. He was so innocent, so free in his own right, even if he was also stuck in this hell hole.

**A/N: The prologue wasn't doing to good so I thought I'd just go ahead and post this up. Hopefully chapter 1 was way better. Please review!!!! Constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated. **


	3. Chapter 2

**Warnings: ****Yaoi (boyXboy), self-harm, mentions of self-harm, violence, adult language, sexual situations, and others when I think of them.**

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any of the characters! They all belong to Kishimoto-sama!**

**Nothing Left but Goodbye**

**Chapter 2**

That nin was getting on his last nerve. Deidara had never had to deal with someone so fucking annoying! How was this guy his partner? Since day one he's asked himself that and has yet to receive and answer. The masked nin annoyed the hell out of him and there was nothing he could do about it, even if he did complain to Leader-sama.

Deidara sat in front of the mirror brushing his long blonde hair and sighed. He had bags under his eyes almost as bad as Itachi. He looked tired and wore out and felt very much the same. He could see a sadness in his eye. Hopefully nobody else could see it, and if they did he doubted they'd even care being cold blooded killers and all.

His morning was relatively quiet. It was rather odd actually. Usually Tobi was up bouncing around and talking loudly. Instead of seeing a swirly orange mask first thing, Deidara saw only the ceiling. It was worrying, though he did like the quiet.

Putting down the brush, Deidara pulled on his shirt. He didn't need anyone seeing him shirtless by accident. The only reason he was shirtless then was because he'd just gotten out of the shower and felt it was safe with the absence of Tobi.

As a matter of fact, he was starting to worry about the annoying masked nin. Where was that baka? Looking around for clues Deidara saw that Tobi's bed was messy as usual, as was the rest of that side of the room. Nothing seemed out of place from what he could tell. Maybe he just went down for breakfast early or something.

"Baka making me worry over him," Deidara mumbled as he opened the door and headed to the kitchen for breakfast. Who's turn to cook was it anyway?

He quickly found out when he saw a smoke filled room and a bunch of Akatsuki holding their noses as the smell. At the stove was Tobi with what looked like thick, burnt pancakes. The masked nin didn't seem bothered in the least little bit by the smoke and placed burnt pancake after burnt pancake on plates and handing them off to each member.

"Deidara-senpai! You're just in time," Tobi said happily, flipping his current burnt mess. "Tobi made special pancakes for everyone!"

Deidara's eyebrow twitched as a plate was placed in front of him. It wasn't near as bad as something Zetsu might cook. Maybe if he just took off the burnt bits and ate the middle of it... Deidara's eyes widened. The middle was surprisingly delicious!

"Besides the burnt part, this is wonderful, un!" Deidara praised.

Tobi beamed at the compliment and squealed in delight before plating his own breakfast and sitting down to enjoy it. While the others weren't really looking forward to eating the burnt pancakes, they were delighted to find Deidara was right. The pancakes really were special after all.

Even though Tobi had been a member of Akatsuki for a month now, he had never been allowed to cook. It was a scary thought, but Deidara figured Tobi must have begged for them to let him have a turn.

Finishing his breakfast, Deidara washed his dishes and went outside to train. Training was a daily part of his routine. He even trained when he was out on a mission if it was possible. Stronger, he must get stronger. What happened with Sasori must never happen again...

No! Deidara shouted at himself as he punched a rather large hole into a nearby tree. There was no way he would be thinking like that. He must forget. He must move on and train and become stronger! There was no way he would think about that rapist.

Punch after punch, kick after kick, Deidara trained with all his might. Twenty minutes into his workout routine his masked nightmare ran out. That certainly didn't stop Deidara from training. For a while there Tobi just sat down on a nearby rock and watched him. Sometimes he would hum a tune and play with a flower. He never once interrupted.

It wasn't until two hours later when Deidara finished that Tobi said anything.

"Did Deidara-senpai have fun training today?" Tobi asked innocently.

"I guess, un," Deidara grumbled, wiping the sweat from his brow.

"It was Deidara-senpai's turn to cook breakfast today, but Tobi decided to do it!" Tobi exclaimed excitedly.

Deidara looked at Tobi, surprised. "Why would you do that, un?"

Tobi hopped up from his rock and said softly, "because Deidara-senpai was having a nightmare last night and woke up crying and screaming a few times. Tobi thought you might need some more sleep."

Deidara winced. He thought the nightmares had died with Sasori. Sadly, that didn't seem to be the case. What was he going to do now? There was no way he was telling Tobi what happened and surely Tobi would start asking questions if the nightmares kept coming.

Deidara sighed. "Thanks Tobi, un."

Somehow, Deidara could tell Tobi was smiling under his mask. Hopping around, Tobi danced excitedly. Briefly Deidara wondered once more how the masked nin became an Akatsuki in the first place. The same thought crossed his mind again and again in the month they were partners.

"Would Deidara-senpai like Tobi to sleep in the bed with him tonight to scare the nightmares away?" Tobi asked innocently, ceasing his dancing.

Deidara gaped at the other nin, face turning bright red. There was no way in Hell he was sharing a bed with Tobi. He didn't care how innocenet the other man may be, there was just no way, not after what Sasori did to him for so long.

"No Tobi-baka!" Deidara finally shouted after almost a full minute had passed.

Tobi looked hurt. "That was mean senpai."

Deidara winced at just how sad Tobi looked when he said that. "I'm sorry Tobi..."

Immediately, the masked nin became his usual giddy, happy self. He ran up and gave Deidara a big hug. Right before he ran off into the base, he quickly moved his mask and gave Deidara a big kiss on the cheek. Deidara stood there, stunned, face turning red once again.

"D-did that baka just kiss me?" Deidara muttered to himself, gobsmacked. "TOBI-BAKA!"

**A/N: There you have it. The second addition to this lovely story. I hope ya'll enjoyed it. :) I know I had fun writing it.**


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